spontaneously sweet

yes. a ridiculous title. but, really, i’m not that picky about things like this. so. these really weird spammers keep commenting on my blog but thank god that i have to APPROVE them first. i seriously want to bash them in the head. anywho…

<- i love this smiley. i just wish i remember where i got it.

ANYWAYS!

I am happy to announce……..

I WILL BE A MOTHER!

LOL JKJKJKJKJK~~ lol the story is, last friday, before the football game started, my guy friend was joking around and he told me that he was pregnant. that led to a very… interesting conversation about how guys can’t get pregnant. THEN a senior who is like B’s older brother started to play along with B that led me to say, “I’ve seen his thing!” Of course, I was referring to his chest (because guys are flat chested, so B couldn’t possibly have gotten pregnant since only girls can get pregnant) but apparently, everyone thought it was the one a little more south. Then everyone just screamed and yelled at me to explain myself. I had to ensure everyone that i just saw his chest. not his…. man..hood…

THEN on the way to the football game, he said that the baby was MINE. then i was just too much in shock to fight back.

Now, I’ve accepted it. (though i’ve never slept with him) HE’S CARRYING MY BABY!

We’ve been debating what we should name our baby all day long. He wants to name him Champ or Sport, but I kind of want to name my child Edward (EDWARD CULLEN). But we both kind of agree on B the second.

We’ll see how this works out.

Invisible.

She can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile
She’ll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks by
And you can’t see me wanting you the way you want her
But you are everything to me.

[Chorus:]
And I just wanna show you
She don’t even know you
She’s never gonna love you like I want to
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible

There’s a fire inside of you that can’t help but shine through
She’s never gonna see the light
No matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything that we could be

[Chorus]

Like shadows in a faded light
Oh we’re Invisible
I just wanna look in your eyes and make you realize

I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
Baby let me love you let me want you
You just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible

She can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile

——————-
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable, instead of just invisible.

When i first moved here two years ago, I befriended someone who also moved here recently at that time. She actually just moved from Korea, and we became best friends instantly. Over the two years, we’ve had our fair share of fights and crying and sneaking out then realizing that we’re locked out of the house. We were good friends. At first when she told me she was moving back, we were kind of in a frenemie stage and i was really glad that she was leaving. but now, we’re good friends again, and it pains me that she’s leaving. It never really occured to me that she was such an important chapter of my life. I’m sure that i’ve been an important part of hers too, seeing that she picked up english so fast because i talked to her in english all the time. She’s been my best friend from 7th grade to now. She knew who I liked and I sat and held her when she cried over heartbreaks. She’s a good friend, but I don’t believe that she’s THAT best friend (the one). Girls, you know what i mean. I don’t care if I never get married, but i want to go through life with that one best friend who wants the best for you and will pick up the phone at 3 in the morning if i had a bad dream or go out to 7-11 with me at 10 at night for a late night ice cream craving. Anyways, she was still an amazing friend to me, even though we hate each other half the time. Now, I’m realizing that when she goes back to Korea this saturday, that I may never see her again. I will never see her in the band hall jumping up and down. I will never ever go to the movies and throw popcorn at random strangers. I’ll never sneak out at 12 in the morning, and we’ll never laugh again about how we’re locked out of the house. It’s a sudden epiphany that I’m not really liking. I want her to stay here. I don’t want her to leave.

I love you so much my lovely hobbang ♥ come visit often.

Okay, just to make this clear, I think I typed out this entry about 5 times. I just can’t get it right. Anyways, homecoming was last Saturday and it was pretty fun except it got SUPER hot and sweaty and people were grinding like crazy. It got really disgusting when it got to the point where people were like having sex with clothes on. Being as stupid as I was, I decided to cut through the middle so I could find my friend. BAD IDEA. I got caught in a grindline and people were bumping against my… EVERYTHING. NASTY.NASTY.NASTY. I’m not doing that again….

So, about this epic love story that i’m writing out…

Okay, so I like this guy, let’s call him B. He’s everything I could possibly ask for and more. But he’s just my friend. Plus he brought another girl to te dance, but that part doesn’t concern me cuz I don’t think he likes her very much. That and she’s super clingy. He’s bound to get turned off by that pretty soon. I just wish he likes me back…Our friendship isn’t even that strong yet. But I would hate to become great friends with him and ruin it all with a romantic relationship. But, I can’t be safe forever. It’s time to take chances.

just a random picture to keep my spirits up.

Well, I just hope that no one that I know in real life ever comes across this blog. I am kind of glad to say, I might like this guy. Why am I happy? It kind of has to do with the fact that I’ve been feeling really empty and alone lately. Okay, before I go on any further, let me start from the very beginning.

Band is supposed to make me feel like I’m part of the family. But at first, it made me feel so alone. I have friends, but despite that fact, I couldn’t stop feeling alone. Then after the first week, I started to realize how different i was. It was one of those moments where I wished that I wasn’t as different. Then, I became closer to these two other people. One’s a girl, and one’s a boy. The girl, let’s call her… J and the boy, E. They’re both awesome. E makes me laugh like there’s no tomorrow. J is so fun to be around. I love those two.

At this point, I don’t know where I belong. A part of me wants to go through high school quietly with a small group of friends and be happy. But the other part of me (the part of me in power right now) wants to be known, become actively involved in school, have lots of friends and go to parties and sneak out of the house to meet with friends at 1 in the morning. Right now, I’m mostly number 2. I have lots of less close friends but a few very close friends. I don’t go to parties, but I’m very very active at school. (Band, VP and secretary of Freshmen class, Key club, orchestra, debate club, etc) I sneak out from time to time, but not like every night.

So, that guy I like, I’ll keep his name confidential. He’s… so funny. I can’t not laugh when I’m with him. Maybe I don’t like him, maybe I’m mistaking this emotion for something else because he’s one of the only guys that has ever made me feel so happy. He makes me laugh. But I’m not completely sure if I like him or not. You guys don’t have to listen or read my relentless adolescent rambling, but I’ll just go on. Actually, I’ll stop here.

Homecoming is in 2 weeks and I have yet to find a date. I don’t think anyone’s going to ask me. *sigh* Oh well…

Meanwhile, I’ve been obsessing over this song recently. It’s called Love Story by Taylor Swift. I think she’s simply amazing. Taylor is so pretty and I love how her hair defies nature.

Love Story

I’ve been eyeing this theme for a while now. I’m not such a big fan of the background, but it’s not too bad. (I really need to learn/take time to learn how to make my own theme.) Today was a fun day at the drugstore xD. I went to walgreens just to buy nail polish remover for my project (I have to kill and pin 25 bugs to a box. YUCK) Well, anyways, I just went in there, and I’m looking around, and I see the ecotools brush set. And OMG I just went on a full mental breakdown. I’ve wanted their brushes for such a long time, but I could NEVER find them anywhere. The quality of their brushes are comparable to MAC brushes, apparently. I’m a student, and I can’t afford to spend $40 on brushes. I got home, and I just kept brushing the powder brush against my face. I can’t get over how soft it is. Haha, but my mom doesn’t know about… my compulsive shopping today. XD I also bought a nail polish from SinfulColors, but I don’t know how good they are… so… I’ll find out~

I’m getting really into make up nowadays… and I have absolutely no idea why. I was actually planning to pick up a tinted moisturizer, perhaps, but I ran out of money. Speaking of makeup, I used my mom’s korean moisturizer last night because I needed to moisturize, and I couldn’t find one. And my mom saw me using it and she freaked out on me. I didn’t understand why she was making such a big deal out of it until I looked up the price for it, and HOLY CRAP. My mother paid $118 for that less than 2 oz moisturizer. THAT IS CRAZY. She could get the Nivea toner for like, less than 1/10 the price. I’m surprised that my dad allowed it. But then again, he doesn’t get to say anything since he bought the dining room table ($3000) at the last minute because he “felt like it”. And his purchase was WAYYYY worse than my mom’s. It’s funny how when I ask if they can buy me something, they say,”We don’t have any money. We’re broke. Go away.” Then the next day, they bring in a table set or a $20 flower pot that I could’ve used for a decent pair of jeans. HA! BROKE MY ASS. Asian parents suck.

yes. it’s been a very very very busy week for me. School started on Monday, and the teachers didn’t hesitate to give us a project and 2 tests on the first day back. Oh, did I mention I usually don’t go home until it’s dark? Yes, I’m a geek. A big one, to be exact. But I’m a big procrastinator too. Though, the hectic schedule is making me realize that I don’t have time to fool around, so I’m getting better at that.

OH. MY. GOD.

I finished reading Breaking Dawn today, and ohmyf-ingbananas, I was like…. on a freaking emotional roller coaster. I started reading last night, and when I found out some crucial part, I just leap out of my room, and I just start screaming, “OHMYGOD.” over and over and over again. So much so, in fact, my parents came upstairs and told me to shut up. My sister claimed that there wouldn’t be one person in my neighborhood who DIDN’T hear me freak out.

Why does Edward Cullen have to dazzle me like that? Damn you Edward Cullen. BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. you suck.

Okay, so getting back to school talk, I’m in the marching band, right? Well, we had our first performance last Friday. It went surprisingly well, considering the circumstances. Actually, it was REALLY good for our first performance. But the thing is, we thought it’d be a bad day because all these bad stuff kept happening on that day. So everyone was pretty much convinced that the half time show was going to crash and burn. Then, somehow, on our run through of the performance went REALLY well. So everybody felt really confident after that, so we did good on our show. THANK GOD.

Furthermore, I have never EVER performed in front of such a large crowd before. I think about, 2000-4000 people were there. The most I’ve ever performed in front of was about, 200? 300? Well, Friday night was 10x that amount, possibly more. I got so nervous though, my legs started shaking, and I thought I was going to fall over at one point.

note to self: don’t drink a large cup of coffee for lunch on game day.

I ordered some things from Hard Candy a few days ago and I bought 4 things using my mom’s credit card. Oh, off topic, but my parents are on the fence about getting me a credit card. They want me to get a credit card because they don’t want me to carry a wad of cash with me everywhere I go, but they’re afraid that I’m going to put my family in debt with my shopping problem. I personally think my shopping addiction isn’t that bad. Actually, it’s not even an addiction! Last year, I didn’t even step into a mall from August to December, then from January to July. And usually, I don’t shop for clothes like every week. More, like every 3 months. Psh. It gets more… normal during the summer though. I buy stuff every week, heh. Haha but my shoe fetish cannot be satisfied!

Anywho, here’s my haul:

that’s everything~

Hard Candy orders:

-Two Pressed Powders
-Blotting sheets
-Bronzer

okay, that’s the bronzer that I ordered. It’s HUGE. I cannot say this enough. IT’S ENORMOUS. The entire thing is 4.75″ x 4.75″ and the actual bronzer is 4″ in diameter. I used my old razr for comparison, because I’m sure everyone knows how big those are. Heh, that phone is just laying around the house now. I don’t use it for ANYTHING anymore.

I was freaking out because I thought the pressed powders that I ordered would be too dark for my skin tone, but it’s actually just perfect. I ordered two of them because they were so ridiculously cheap. Right after I ordered them, I regretted not buying their eyeshadow, lip gloss, and their nail polish. (I HATE SHIPPING FEES) I’ve been taking more care of my nails lately. Oh well. I’m heading out to Walgreens later to buy some more toothpaste, maybe I’ll pick up a nail polish while I’m there.

Oh. Crap. School starts next monday on the 25th, and have I mentioned that I’m not even halfway through my summer reading list? It kind of has to do with being lazy… and procrastinating. Actually, I should be doing my reading right now, but I’m procrastinating, once more. DAMN YOU PROCRASTINATION!!! OKAY I REALLY HAVE TO GET CRACKING ON MY SUMMER READING BECAUSE I HAVE THREE DAYS LEFT AND I’M NOT DONE WITH ONE BOOK AND I HAVE TO START AND FINISH ANOTHER BOOK.

My mood is somewhere between to to to yeah….

OKAY I REALLY HAVE TO FINISH MY STUFF NOW. BYE BYE~~

Oh boy. So, me and my sister have been going on some kind of a cooking rage recently. And most of the time, they end up as failures. e.g. two nights ago I tried to make croissant rolls but they were frozen, so I thought, “I’ll defrost it in the microwave for 2 minutes or so.” Then after the two minutes were up, I checked back on it, and it was slightly cooked and emitted a very strong foul odor. I didn’t want to waste it, so I chucked it into the oven. 20 minutes later, I remove it, and it tastes like baby puke. No joke. I should have just thrown it away in the first place instead of wasting all that electricity. Then, I attempted to make some waffles, and I didn’t have any milk or eggs in the house, so I decided to substitute them with water and potato starch. (Which, I don’t know why I did in the first place) Then after I thought the waffles were done, I lifted the waffle making thing, and the bread/waffle looks… transparent, almost. It did NOT look like a waffle. It looked like watery flour crap. So I threw that away. Then I decided to make some hashbrowns. About halfway through it, I remembered that I didn’t have any eggs. So I substituted it with water and potato starch. Yeah… that apparently doesn’t work that well. So I ended up throwing away the potatoes…

And all that happened in about… an hour.

Oh! But on the bright side, I did score a Vera Wang Princess in Purple perfume for 35$.
and a eyeshadow brush for 2$. That was a happy day for me.

Oh, and also. Last night, me and my sister tried to make a strawberry cake. It looked really good and we added all the frosting and stuff, right? So I ate it. It didn’t taste so bad at first, but I realized, soon after, that if I kept eating this, I would puke very soon. It tasted HORRIBLE. After the first slice, I literally thought I was going to puke. It was so gross…. x__x

Oh, but we did have a success today. This morning, me and my sister made strawberry ice cream! It tastes reallyyy good. But, the sad part is, I think I’m allergic to one of the ingredients in there. Because my lips started to swell and it burned a little. BUT IT’S SOOOO GOOOOOOD.

Oh well. I’ll risk death.

EDIT:// Oh. And I got a new pink alarm clock. IT’S PINKK